It seemed most fitting to choose Mother’s Day weekend to begin posting once again to the blog I started 2 years ago, but needed to de-priortize due to a series of personal crises in my life.
As I lay horizontal this Mother’s Day weekend recovering from a bout of diverticulitis and reflecting upon the past 2 years, I once again realized how thankful I was NOT to have any children. As if ending a 13-year relationship with my boyfriend was not stressful enough, the surrounding events of the final weeks would have left any child emotionally impaired for life. I knew that my soul would eventually heal, but not that of a child who sees everything through the eyes, voice and actions of his/her parents.
Then there was the motorcycle accident that disabled two friends and me for several months. With the primary focus being my recovery from various physical injuries and PTSD, I can only imagine how little attention and energy I would have had for a child. There is a reason why many motorcycle riders give up riding when they have kids, even if reluctantly. The fear of what can happen to a motorcyclist is real, and even more so once you are decorated with a permanent disability.
During all this time, I was growing increasingly dissatisfied with my job as salesperson in the medical education industry. I had labored intensely for 9 years selling for the largest medical education company. Long days, constant deadlines, pressure and travel. I thrived in this environment and the love for my clients made it easy to carry on. However, the pressure from my company to submit more and more proposals to my clients for solutions that I know they did not need was setting off all sorts of red flags as my internal integrity meter constantly pushed back on requests to sell “off the shelf “rather than what my clients truly needed. The pressure became more than I could bare after my accident. When you see your life suddenly flash before you, it is amazing how your tolerance for bullshit becomes zero. The amount of stress made for some long days usually followed by a lot of wine. Again, I questioned how attentive I would have been to a child during these months.
The final straw was the passing of one of my siblings at the age of 62 due to influenza. Once again, realizing how short life truly was, I decided to part ways with my company so that I could satisfy my internal hunger to pursue creative writing full-time. I realized this was a bold decision, especially at the age of 52. However, once again, NOT having children was the ticket to my freedom to make this choice. No college tuition payments or costly weddings to worry about, I could even sell my 5-bedroom Victorian home that I occupied alone, uproot myself to be closer to my family and not worry about moving any children to a new school and away from their friends. The freedom of choice was exhilarating!
I am very proud to say that the house sold in record time, I am currently working on detoxing from corporate America, and I am extremely excited to be starting a new chapter in the book called life. I look forward to growing this community of like-minded women who have chosen NOT to have kids whether by choice, chance or circumstance.
